I was privileged to take part this weekend in one the most uplifting and inspiring events I have ever been to. Founded by Clare and David Hieatt, The Do Lectures bring together an amazing group of people from all walks of life to live for four days at Fforest, a glamping site in West Wales, with great talks, great conversations, and great food. [The photo above is our speaking venue!]

There were so many inspiring people, but for me meeting Maggie Doyne, who runs a school for orphans in Nepal was the highlight. I gave Maggie a lift down to Wales from her train and did the usual thing of being sociable and asking what she did. I kind of took it in but had only scraped the surface. When she did her presentation to the audience of 170 people there was hardly a dry eye in the house as we all took in what she does day in day out and the energy and commitment she shows to reduce other people’s suffering.

Other special moments included sorting the world out with Sir Tim Berners-Lee sitting around the campfire – which is a bit like passing the time of day with Gutenberg –  and getting to spend time with David Allen whose book Getting Things Done has made such a difference to my life. And then there was Ed Stafford who had just become the first person to walk the entire length of the Amazon …. and Steve Edge … and Jay Rogers … and …

Thanks to everyone at Do – I’ll not forget this weekend in a long time.

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Many moons ago, in the early days of blogging David Weinberger described it as “writing ourselves into existence”. I was reminded recently of just how transformative blogging has been in my life. How much more aware I am of my thoughts and feelings – and of the world around me.

Once you have a blog you notice more, you start to think “I might write about this on my blog” What do I want to say” “What will people’s reaction be”. Over time you get better at noticing and the better at noticing you get the more noticed you get! You end up in the wonderful collective web of “Oooh that’s interesting” which I now wouldn’t ever want to be without.

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Our much loved pet rabbit Tickles died yesterday. We suspect she had developed pneumonia and she died on the way to the vets. She had been very much part of the family, living in the house with us for six years, so needless to say my two daughters were very close to her and are very upset.

We felt that it was important that the kids had the chance to understand her passing because death tends to be such a remote and taboo topic these days. We brought her body home and lay her on her blanket in her hutch. Her body was still relaxed and warm and it was striking what a short step it is from life to death. The sense of the life force having recently departed, the departure of that character that she was.

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Negotiation?

Wikipedia, defines Negotiation thus:

It seems to me therefore that Negotiation is a pretty much vital skill both commercially and socially and yet we Brits and I’m sure many others are really bad at doing it and many of us know that. Despite this it isn’t taught in school or University in the main and even on MBA and DMS courses not in any depth that I can tell. Is is any wonder therefore that in many cases we end up with unsatisfactory outcomes in our dealings with each other. I recognise many of these and to be honest recognise that over the years some have disadvantaged me by using such tactics. I now feel that if only I’d known then …… but that normally only comes with age and experience.

Working with an organisation like the Rainmakers that offers training in this area I am amazed at how all pervasive negotiation really is and am rapidly coming to the conclusion that training is beneficial if not vital for most of us.

 Wikipedia continues:-

In my own research I found where organisations have even built special rooms to unbalance opponents in negotiations!

Equally many equate “haggling” wth “negotiation” IMHO not the same thing at all and I dislike haggling immensely.

 In the overall scheme of things we need to consider the following summation; negotiation is a contest for the best deal and there is always someone who has an advantage.

At the end of the day you get what you negotiate not what you deserve and as to ones “rights” ……….!!

Moving on from the “if only” to the “What next” I’ve just posted a Marketplace Advert and Event scheduled for 22nd & 23rd March for “Negotiation Unplugged” which will take those who really need the skills of a negotiation specialist to apply to their daily life to “specialist” level.

Who will join me?

Regards -
 Maurice www.rainmakerscompany.com

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I often forget that I am one of the few folks out there promoting the use of social tools in business who has actually spent most of their working life in a corporate environment doing a line management job. I tend to underplay just how much I learned by doing annual appraisals for fifty staff (yes 50), or writing endless strategy papers for John Birt, or ploughing my way through the annual budgeting process. It is no place for the feint hearted and understandably resistant to the idea that “getting real” or “finding your voice” will make much of a difference.

But I also remember donning my collar and tie for the first time, starting to talk management bollocks, teetering on the brink and then pulling back. There are a lot of brave souls in organisations who know it can be different and to whom the lifeline of the word “social” is worth reaching out for.

Understanding where people are rather than getting frustrated at them for not being where you think they should be is something I should remember to do more often.

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This time from April 2002 just after I had invited Christopher Locke over to speak:

 Soul 2 Soul

There I was, standing at Oxford Circus saying “thankyou and goodnight” to RageBoy after a long, hard day of talking, debating, disagreeing, agreeing ….. “opening the kimono” as he would put it. He’d crossed the Atlantic at my request, at a time of personal heartbreak, to give a series of talks on The Cluetrain, Gonzo Marketing, life, the universe……

We were there because of text on a screen, two souls connected by a tenous stream of binary code spanning the globe, bifurcating and re-uniting through boring routers which have no concept of meaning.

And yet ……….

I looked into those big, sad, soulful, hurting eyes and I wanted to give him a hug.

People who say the internet is a geeky, meaningless side show to life have no idea.

This stuff matters.

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Gary Sage :

Do You Worry About What Others Think of You?

3/25/2009 2:06:00 PM

“What you think of me is none of my business.” – Wayne Dyer

What would your life look like if you were literally unable to worry about other people’s opinions?

What a freedom that would be! You would live according to what you thought was beneficial for you and make decisions without second-guessing, over-analyzing, and shoulda-coulda-woulda-ing. You would no longer have any need for approval nor fear of disapproval.

The truth is, we don’t have any need for approval. Not truly. It is our egos that crave approval and fear disapproval. The mind loves to take things very personally and attempts to gain power through approval and disapproval games. When we separate ourselves from our ego, approval and disapproval have no value whatsoever. And nothing is taken personally.

In reality, another person’s thought or opinion about you is never personal, because it is never really about you in the first place. It’s about them. Our thoughts about anything and everything are only about ourselves. As Byron Katie points out, what I think and what I feel is my business. What you think and what you feel is your business. When I’m worried about how you feel about me, I’m in your business. And if I’m busy living in your business, how am I present for my own business?

When we let go of worrying over other people’s opinions, we are free to reflect on our own opinions of ourselves. Am I happy with myself? Did I make the right decision for me? Am I happy with how I treated you? Am I living in healthy and positive ways, for the highest good of everyone involved?

Living according to our own truth is one of the highest acts of self-love and self-care. And when you live according to your truth and stay in your own mental business, others will honor you and the truth you live, too, whether they agree with you or not.

“Patterning your life around others’ opinions is nothing more than slavery.”

- Lawana Blackwell

via OpenZine.